THERE’S BEEN so much written in recent times about Elle turning 50 subsequent 12 months.
I take an hobby as a result of I’m nearly the similar antique and so, percentage a definite affinity with the magnificently proportioned and ageless fashion referred to as The Frame. If you’re questioning, the aforementioned tag justifiably caught after her 5 quilt appearances at the iconic Sports activities Illustrated mag.
I used to be born in July ‘63 – my buddy Elle in March ’64 – which makes us a trifling 8 months aside. We each completed college in ‘81 so may just, theoretically, had been classmates. We will have loved the similar motion pictures – For Your Eyes Most effective, The Postman At all times Rings Two times, Raiders of the Misplaced Ark … take note the ones? We most probably listened to the similar tune, boogied at the disco flooring to Blondie’s Name Me, went thru a section of schoolgirl anarchy with Red Floyd’s Any other Brick within the Wall – and slow-danced to Captain and Tennille’s Do That to Me One Extra Time … aah, the recollections. The similarity, I’m unhappy to mention, ends there.
I latterly discussed to my teenagers that: “Do you know Elle is popping 50 subsequent 12 months? We’re nearly the similar antique,” after appearing them a in particular fetching newspaper shot of her wearing surfboard and trademark bikini at Bondi. “No tactics! I will’t imagine it!” My daughter gushed with a tad extra enthusiasm than totally important, adopted by way of a telling have a look at the apparition subsequent to her – me, basking unashamedly in a state of early morning glory – a bra-less surprise in sleep shorts and light T-shirt.
Sure, I concede, Elle is drop-dead beautiful. She additionally appears to be like a decade or two more youthful than her age however I worry that thru her sheer air of perfection, she has made herself untouchable. Possibly it’s time to let pass just a little. As an example, simply the day prior to this I learn but some other article about her drawing close 50th birthday and but some other dull interviewer asking how she controlled to retain such everlasting youthfulness.
I didn’t need to learn what she mentioned – I knew precisely what the exposure gadget would hold forth. “Natural meals, workout and 3 litres of water an afternoon.” And naturally, seven hours of sleep an evening. In my opinion, the bit that fascinated me maximum was once the 3 litres of water. I might be up all night time.
I came about to say this tiresome interview to a pal who could also be at the slippery cusp of turning 50. She too was once skeptical. “Pullllease … natural? That is natural,“ she mentioned, outlining her with ease rounded determine. I’m together with her. Simply as soon as, I want Elle would personal up. Her recognition would now not wane if she casually prompt that: “In reality, from time to time I polish off a complete slab of chocolate and I’m greater than somewhat keen on the extraordinary drop.” Simply after I want she would let free and say one thing vaguely outrageous like: “Move me the chips, I’m nearly 50 for goodness sake, now not 20. And by way of the best way, all that stuff about natural meals is cods-wallop – I’ve had a teeny weeny bit of labor finished. And, sure, my knees from time to time pain once I jog.”
In reality, I might dare counsel she practices embracing her 50’s with a brand new sense of honesty. There’s nonetheless a whole 12 months to transform the folk’s particular person. There’s various alternative for a profession trade and the way much less traumatic that might be – for the remainder of her contemporaries too.
One completely believable risk is the function of communicate display host – a substitute for Oprah, possibly. I might name it ‘Elle Talks … finally’. I are expecting hovering recognition when she spills the beans on how laborious it was once to take care of the pretence and power of being The Frame. Oh the comfort of showing she is human in the end. I are expecting a swarm of getting old actresses lining as much as inform their tale – of publicly renouncing Botox, frame sculpting and buckwheat.
However I worry this revelation received’t occur any time quickly. Elle is the face of Logo Elle – of solar, surf and endlessly fresh-faced, lithe-bodied attractiveness. However Oh Elle, what power! Keeping up that whippet frame, very best pores and skin, hair and makeup will have to be immense. I might counsel fifty will probably be a well timed age to in the end hold up the string bikini and inform the sector to seek out themselves some other Frame – that this one is drained. And from time to time, moderately sore.
And so, Elle, I beseech you, drop your guard. We can love you much more, I promise. And the entire tens of millions of girls dealing with a scarily forthcoming fifty will breathe a sigh of reduction and achieve, guilt-free for the double chocolate cheesecake and entire cream latte.
We, your presumptuous friends wait with bated breath. And we’re right here for you, glass of cheeky Riesling in hand (or possibly you might desire a full-bodied Cab Sav?) if you wish to have us.
© Lois Nicholls 2013
An edited model of this text seemed in The Sunday Mail, third March 2013 – Click on to view.